The Compliment as Conscious Currency

Compliments are tricky yet delightful little fellows. Most of us are much better at giving them than receiving them, but simultaneously still not that great at giving them. A conscious compliment that wells up in us from a place of genuine inspiration and demands to be verbalized is, in my opinion, the underdog of the last remaining free currencies of platonic love and should, therefore, be looked upon with reverie and altitude. Akin to acts of service, the ten-second hug, and well-intended thoughts sent huddling through the biosphere - conscious compliments are the most simple, accessible, and effective vehicle for the transference of endearing acknowledgment energy between two human beings. 

Though compliments are free of charge to give and receive, they are not without cost. It takes a well-balanced cocktail of confidence and vulnerability to give a genuine, conscious compliment and a measure of humility and grace to receive one. Though it may seem fair, or even appropriate, to simplify and downplay the significance of the act of granting and receiving a compliment, I think there remains a psychological element that is worth unearthing and exploring in service to the betterment of our application of this ancient and powerful form of conscious currency. 

We are only capable of admiring a value or personality trait in another that we ourselves already embody or have the necessary capacity to develop within ourselves. In this way, the compliment is not only the acknowledgment of what we appreciate in another but also, a reflection of an aspect we love, cherish, or wish to further cultivate within ourselves. When someone gives you a compliment they are expressing a reflection of a value that they both hold dear personally and see shining through in you. Something that is important to understand right off the bat is that a compliment of this nature is not up for debate. Whether you agree, disagree, or believe the claim to be ludicrous, there is only one viable response to a conscious compliment and that is: Thank You 

Now replying with a simple thank you alone to a conscious compliment may be one of the hardest things to do, but it is certainly the right place to start. Unfortunately, the urge to explain, argue, rationalize, and digress is fierce - but you must resist. You can learn a lot about a person’s sense of worthiness and vulnerability by the way they accept or deflect a compliment. 

I used to deflect most compliments. It was actually quite painful to witness. It would start with an unsolicited attempt to water down and find flawed the ‘outlandish’ claim and end with me, perhaps not disagreeing verbally but, certainly giving the energetic message that I in no way could corroborate on such outlandish claims. It was as though simply accepting a compliment without contradiction was more uncomfortable for me than appearing arrogant or conceited by way of accepting it, without protest. Simply accepting the compliment spares your fans the song and dance and avoids the discomfort of making them wrong. If you are not one who accepts compliments well I urge you to alter your perception in service to becoming that person. I’ve since realized that by not receiving compliments wholely and without resistance I was shutting myself off from one of the most nourishing and satiating forms of appreciation: Being Known

Ultimately, what others believe to be true of us is only capable of bearing the degree of significance that we assign it. For most of us that is often still much greater than we’d like to admit. What is of the greatest significance is what we believe of ourselves. It is not another’s opinion of us that upsets or enriches us but rather our belief in it that holds the true power. Sadly, when we choose to believe others when they share their view of us through their particular lens, it is often more challenging to align with their positive projections over the negative. Hence, the anaphylactic reaction to something as sweet and innocuous as a compliment.  

Accepting a compliment with grace is only done through having the confidence and the courage to allow ourselves to be seen in the brilliance of who we really are. A truly conscious compliment that is let in serves as evidence towards the cases we are constantly building on ourselves about the truth of who we are. By withholding a kind thought or sweet observation we could very well be stalling someone we love from reaching the final step in solidifying and living the belief for themselves. Therefore, what matters most is not our proficiency to dwell on the hurtful or thoughtless words of others but rather our ability to let the good news in through the ego-guarded gates of our souls.