Will We Ever Be Enough?
You. Are. Enough.
If feels good to read those words, to let them roll around in between my ears, have them drape over the various narratives running through my mind at any given moment. It feels good to believe that they are real and that they pertain to me right now in my life just the way it is. Most days I believe them on both a conscious and subconscious level when I say them to myself and I infuse them into my relationships, actions, and intentions. Other days the quality of thoughts I wake up having don’t align with this intrinsic state of ‘enoughness’ at all and it can feel like trying to get a derailed train on its tracks just to pull my thinking back to a place of neutrality and curiosity. Sound familiar?
In the book The Inside-Out Revolution, Micheal Neill talks about how what we see in the outside world is a direct reflection of the quality of thoughts and beliefs that we choose to cultivate and align ourselves with, from within. He explains that rather than outside stimuli causing us to react, that we create the reflection of the world we see around us with the quality and nature of our thoughts and beliefs. I believe this deeply and unequivocally with my conscious mind and yet the reality is that I often still slip into very negative temporary thought loops that seem to derail my efforts to align directly with truth and source energy.
I woke up this morning with a particularly loud set of negative thoughts and felt compelled to write them all out. My initial reaction to this decision was that of fear - why would I write these thoughts down, give them real estate in my journal, allow them to be given a physical form, an extended life span? Should I not instead focus on the positive, the turnaround, what I’d like to feel instead? I remember my teacher Gila telling me that what we resist persists and that we must be brave enough to face our fears in service to receiving the wisdom they are so desperately trying to impart on us. This is when I remembered the gift of The Pause. Let me explain...
There are two parts and four phases to the process of our thoughts creating our reality:
Part 1
1. We have the thought.
2. The Pause.
Part 2
3. We choose to believe the thought.
4. Immediately Cue Creation.
The pause is where miracles take place, it is the literal space of miracles. The pause is where we stop and decide, consciously or subconsciously, if we are to allow any particular thought through the gateway from the ephemeral to the land of form via our internal factories of creation. Upon deciding that a thought is not worthy of moving forward to belief, we can then begin the process of investigation by getting curious and turning it around with a transformative inquiry tool like Byron Katie’s work.
As I wrote out the thoughts that were swirling around my head on repeat this morning I started to notice a pattern. They all pointed to a very specific series of emotions that included guilt, shame, despair, paralysis, loss, victimhood, and much to my surprise, a strong inherent underlying theme that I was quite possibly not at all enough.
If I didn’t trust so deeply in the process of internal reality creation I may have let this discovery upset me, after all, those are all pretty heavy things to think, let alone believe, about one’s self. I also know that this particular grouping of emotions are not new for me, in fact, they are very old, so old that I know that even though they may seem relevant to my current situation, they were by no means created by it.
Writing the thoughts out and identifying the feeling behind each allowed me to catch them in the Pause. I let them speak, let them express, let them vent and air out a little. If everything truly does happen for us and not to us, then these thoughts are no more than messengers here to guide me along my path. I can choose to be excited and grateful for them coming to wake me up and inviting me to reorient my compass to the true direction of my soul’s desire. It is though the compiling and stacking of conscious evidence that we are ultimately led to see through illusion to Truth.
I’ve been ignoring a calling to return to writing; my most beloved creative state. These thoughts gave me something to write about, they inspired me to share something powerful, something valuable, something that wishes to come into this world through me in real-time. This process has reminded me that I am gifted with the opportunity to choose to see negative thoughts as a roadblock on my path or as the path itself. It is in these moments, where the challenge becomes the way, that I truly with every cell of my body believe not only that I am enough, but that I am also simultaneously more than enough. Of all the feelings and thoughts I have been blessed with all morning, none feels truer or more worthy of elevation to belief than my absolute enoughness, and that is nothing short of an everyday miracle.